John, you are one articulate son of a gun. That was a really good review. Needless to say, I'm really excited for you. Man! That is a BIG room! (makes sense BIG guy; BIG room.
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When calibrating by ear, it is very common that the sub gets set too hot. That may be why the sub "tended to want to over-power the rest of the system.." The SPL meter will fix that.
You didn't mention this, and I suspect you've already done this, so forgive me if you have. Be sure to go into your "Speaker Setup" menu and set the speaker distances from the sweet spot.
Again something you already may be aware of. If your 701 is like my 797, when are listening to the "Stereo" DSP mode, you're hearing only the M60s AND your sub. If you go to the "Direct" DSP mode, You're hearing the M60s alone. I didn't figure that out until last week and I've had my Onkyo for 2 years. DUH!