Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler What funny thing are you appreciating tonight?

She's a classic Butterface.

I found this example sentence amusing: "Damn [girl] was hot, then she turned around, and I was like Pete, check this [stuff] out, he said "word" and then we went fishing."

Fishing cures everything.


By the way, I had to do some strategic editing [].

He really IS angry!

Scrolling waaay down , here's a sample of his take on "Airborne", the over the counter (OTC) cold preventative. I should add that his opinions of teachers are not shared by the management of medic8r, LLC. Even though they are funny in this case.

I felt bad about doing it, but I figured I'd better remove the swear words.

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So, it has come to my attention (a few days ago) that Airborne must pay 25 million due to a lawsuit claiming that it didn't work.

Some highlights include:

* Airborne not proven to work
* The "clinical study" was preformed by a couple of random dillholes and probably was just made up
* If you purchased airborne, you can get a refund
* Making medical claims without FDA approval


Now, I know that any self-respected pharmacist would never ever suggest airborne to anyone that they cared about. Why? Because it doesn't work. We all know this, you all know this. Its vitamin-C and a bunch of other OTC [stuff!] all in a fizzy alka-selzer tablet that makes you feel all warm inside. Its like donating $0.75 a day (the price of a cup of coffee) to starving African kids when its just going to feed Sally Struthers. Rich folk do that just so they can get [excited!] by 'helping people' as they [gripe!] at me about their $30 copay.

The only person you would sell Airborne to is that retired teacher who always calls you out front for an OTC recommendation only to tell you how wrong you are and buy something else. Those [folks!] you are happy to see waste money because they have no problems wasting your time.

Which brings me to another point. One of the major selling points of Airborne is that it was "CREATED BY A SCHOOL TEACHER!". Now just not any teacher, but a 2nd grade teacher. Someone enlighten me as to why I would trust anything a school-teacher made? How is that even a half-way valid selling point? Some of the most ignorant people I know are school teachers (mostly because they think they know everything and are very vocal about it). If it were made by a pharmacist it might have some basis because at least we know how the body works, but a 2nd grade school teacher? Is this [stuff!] going to work based upon the vast knowledge of social studies? Cursive writing? Multiplication tables? Is this teacher applying their vast knowledge of [*&$%]-stupid physical science to prevent my cold? What qualifications does he/she have (being a 2nd grade teacher and all) that would actually give her some real-world claim to actually know something about medicine?

Victoria Knight-McDowell, please inform us pharmacists what your methods were to determine what does and does not work to prevent colds as well as any relevant research and study data? What? No I do not wish my name on the chalkboard. What?!? Detention? Aww!!! I'm sorry for implying that you are a fraud preying on the stupidity of the uneducated population, can I go to recess now?

I'm confused as to why people waste their money on this [stuff!]. I'm actually shocked that people swear by something that is proven to not work and has every pharmacist in the country saying that it does not work. Its the "#1 best selling" because people are stupid. Not because it works, but because people are [*&$%]-stupid.

Of course they also buy "Head On" which is chap-stick for your forehead so I guess I should just shut my mouth.
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From pandabearmd.com, here are some emergency room patient encounters:

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Actual Patient Interaction Number One:

“So Mrs. Smith, how’s your pain?”

“Oh doctor, it be paining me real bad. Can I get some Dilaudid.”

“How about we start with some Nubain?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a synthetic narcotic, kind of like Demerol.”

“Is it any good?”

“Sure, it works great and doesn’t give people the rush they get from other narcotics.”

“Oh, I’m allergic to it.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number 2:

“I felt sick, doc. At work.”

“When did it start?”

“About twelve hours ago. But it’s gone now.”

“Really, how are you feeling?”

“Great. I didn’t feel that sick but I thought I’d better come in.”

“So you don’t feel sick now?”

“Naw, I feel like a million bucks. It only lasted about an hour and it’s gone now.”

“So let me get this straight…you sat in the waiting room for upwards of ten hours to be seen by me, it’s two in the morning, you feel fine, and there’s nothing that I can help you with?”

“Well, I need a note for work.”

“You said you weren’t that sick, why didn’t you just finish the work day and go home? I mean, you could have been asleep at home instead of hanging out here watching late-night television.”

“I don’t like my job that much.”

“You realize that your non-problem is still going to cost close to five hundred bucks, right?”

“Well, I really don’t like my job…”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Three:

“What do you mean there’s nothing wrong with my kid?”

“I didn’t say that. I said he had a cold which will get better on its own and there’s nothing you need to do about it except give him some Tylenol or Motrin for his fever.”

“How do you know he ain’t got pneumonia?”

“He doesn’t. He looks great.”

“I want a cat scan.”

“I’m not going to get a CT on a kid with a cold, ma’am.”

“My sister said he needs a CT.”

“He doesn’t.”

“We waited five hours.”

“I’m sorry. He has a cold. Drive home carefully, they tell me it’s snowing tonight.”

“We came by ambulance…can I get a taxi voucher?”

“No.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Four:

“So, what brings you in Mr. Jones?”

“I’m constipated.”

“How long has it been going on.”

“Almost three years.”

“Uh…okay…what do you expect us to do about it?”

“I need help getting the sh@@ out.”

“There is a fine selection of fiber and other laxatives at Wal Mart. In the pharmacy section…and just like us, they never close. Have you tried any of those things?”

“No.”

“Uh…Okay, well, there you go. I can give you some Colace right now and by the time you get home things should start moving.”

“My mother said you’d scoop it out for me.”

“Not in this lifetime.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Five:

“I’m going to sue all y’all.”

“We’re doing everthing we can for your mom.”

“You’re not. Can’t you see she’s suffering?”

“I’m trying to make her comfortable.”

“You just don’t care. She’s in a lot of pain.”

“Well, she’s had a lot of muscle and tissue breakdown from laying on the floor in her room in your house for three days. Tell me, does your mother have any health problems?”

“She’s been falling a lot lately.”

This blog collects toilet signs from 'round the world.

kudos to Peter, who told me of growabrain, the site that linked me to it.

Some are quite nice (I really like the huge king and queen of hearts with the jacks inside). Some are a little... ahum...

I kind of liked the rope ones. Takes a split second to register, then, to quote Fozzie Bear, "aaAAhh, funny!"

I found this comedy skit disturbing but funny. The title is "Ass Pennies for Confidence"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT7UyPuwlbI

Hee hee. Yes, Upright Citizens Brigade rules.

I'll have you know that, as I was leaving the grocery store this evening, I saw two pennies in the parking lot. I didn't pick them up, thanks to you!

Or should I say, "No thanks to you!"