 Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1 |
That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928 |
An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1 |
House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.
Dog 1:What was that all about?
Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,786
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,786 |
Fred
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Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015 |
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458 |
Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one! 
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
My favorite is "Making Baby Smile" 
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 18,044
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 18,044 |
I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...
I am the Doctor, and THIS... is my SPOON!
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1 |
If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.
Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose
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