Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler What funny thing are you appreciating tonight?

I've been bested by a grown man who speaks Klingon and now they are never going to let me into the comic store again.

WHERE the HELL am I going to buy my t-shirts now????? The Humanity!!!

That's speciesist. I WIILL CUT OFF YOUR FINGERS.

Good idea. Maybe you could whip them up into some sort of dish. I could go for some Rokeg blood pie. What say we share some? I can bring some blood wine that's young and warm!

A friend called me a week ago to inform me that his Mom had died. She had been on her own until 92, then assisted living three years ago, then full-on nursing home care, dementia, etc.
She was 95. His Dad died almost 30 years ago. I would say to Mike, "He died to get away from her." "Oh, you bet!," (She was particularly relentless with his Dad.)

Bob: "I thought you said he had a myocardial infarction?,"
Mike: "He did."
Bob: "Well, I don't understand how a coroner can mistake 7 self-inflicted ice pick wounds to the chest for an M.I.
That one would always make him laugh!

Mike and I became friends and band mates 44 years ago. I knew his Mom rather well, as we hung out at each others' houses playing and listening to music every week. She would always groan at him about, well, anything, and hold me up as a paradigm, which amused me no end.

"Look how nice Bobby's clothes are. Why don't you dress that way?!" Nothing he or his Dad did could ever be good enough. She was an unhappy and frequently not a very nice person, in general.

Last night I called him, just to see how he was doing and that he was OK. He talked to me about how much he had on his plate; dealing with her condo, which had been rented since she left, her upcoming memorial service, her stuff, losing your living parent, etc.

After a few minutes of discussing these things, he paused and asked, "So, how are YOU doing?" I replied, "Oh, I was over it an hour after you called to tell me."

Brutal, Bob.

I'm trying to figure out if I should see this in an Atmos theater, a DBox Theater, an Imax theater, or a peep show theater:

(NSFW) Linky (NSFW)

You'd go to a peep show with Bob? You are a brave man.

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive..

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'


At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

That doesn't make any sense. A guy in Alabama doesn't drink Coors, he drinks Bud.

The prescription wasn't to drink it... so the doctor specified something not worth drinking

To me, it really looks like a re-worked ethnic joke---I'm thinking, maybe Pol...

What? Really? You're kidding! Hillbillies ARE an ethnic minority? Since when?

Oh, because they can trace their lineage back to the original Irish diaspora? I did not know that. Thank you.