Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 13,844 Likes: 13
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 13,844 Likes: 13 |
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer.'
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.
M80s VP180 4xM22ow 4xM3ic EP600 2xEP350 AnthemAVM60 Outlaw7700 EmoA500 Epson5040UB FluanceRT85
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331 |
This is (allegedly) an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. (I could not verify the veracity of this at snopes.com, but I did find this story reproduced elsewhere on the internet, which is, of course, proof of absolutely nothing ) They hired him because he was so funny.... NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possi ble, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. ***Old People Rock! *** (but only in chairs )
Jack
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 8,488 Likes: 1
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 8,488 Likes: 1 |
So, Jack, what hours did they actually give you?
bibere usque ad hilaritatem
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331 |
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, of course. It was my charm, wit, and elegance that did it.
Jack
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton
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Re: Jesus and the burglar
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301 |
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus Is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then click the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to Warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
So, Jack, what hours did they actually give you?
LOL!
*********** "Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301 |
FOR ALL YOU OLD TIMERS
A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
I don't want to get old.
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Re: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 6,331 |
Beats the alternative. We can arrange for a hit man if you'd like.
Jack
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton
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Re: Warning on Beer!!!
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,602
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,602 |
Quote:
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
I tell that joke using my father as the protagonist all the time.
Bren R.
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